Loving Young Adults through Transitions and Decisions

College finals week. Laundry mishap ruins a favorite shirt. Misunderstanding with a close friend. Moving out. Wedding planning.

Life decisions and transitions breed stress, lack of confidence, doubt. 

How can a parent help a young adult through transition and difficult times?

Listen first, ask later. People crave a listening ear, especially when things go awry. Young adults are no different.

Text. A short line of encouragement shortens anyone’s long day.

Public praise. A positive public comment, whether live or on social media, adds spring to rough steps. Statements about character and work ethic speak volumes.

Make a date. Invite a young adult to share coffee or ice cream at a favorite sweet spot.  Getting away with someone who can encourage and build up, even for 30 minutes, adds vitality.

Say, “I like you!” Strong words—needing to be heard over the clamor of good grades and long hours—can be scribed on a napkin, placed on a piece of paper under a coaster or included in a text message. We all long to be liked for who we are, not just the grades earned, the kudos given or the numbers accumulated.

Wash a load. Offer to do a load or two of laundry. For students who usually do their own, having someone help in a time tight transition assures fresh socks and towels will greet a difficult day.

Fix a favorite. Nourishment when under stress is essential. Cook up a favorite meal and serve with a listening ear. If the young adult lives independently, offer to drop off something special at his or her convenience.

Ask. One of life greatest questions, “How can I help?” can be a blessing in a “give me more” society.

Surprise them. Drop off a surprise—balloon, cookies and cupcakes work well—at your young adult’s home or office, or leave a bouquet of flowers on his or her workspace, even if that workspace is in your home.

Instant message. In the days of instant contact, make it count! Everyone loves to answer the “ping” and read sweet thought.

Empathize. Send a letter or special card, snail mail. We like our inbox messages, but a letter in the mailbox still says, “I care about you!”

Be a study buddy.  When your young adult is studying hard with more assignments on the horizon, offer to work together at a venue away from home. Take your work—even if it is catching up on emails—and accomplish tasks together.  Fresh space speaks fresh mind.

Life can be difficult, transitions tough to tackle. All of us face them.

I remember one evening, about a year ago, my then college junior had taken up study camp in his quiet bedroom. I had not seen him in a few hours. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw the bedroom door open. He emerged, eyes tired, weary. When he entered the kitchen to refill a water glass, I quickly scooped up a few bite-size chocolates and tip-toed down the hallway. My mission—set a few chocolates on his textbook.

Several minutes later I heard him close his door and then reopen. “Hey, who put these there?”

Mission accomplished. I met him in the hallway. We smiled simultaneously.

No need to exchange words. We both knew.  

Young adults, even good time managers and planners, will face transitions and decisions—a natural part of life. As parents when we walk with our young adults, offering words of endearment, a shoulder to hug, an ear to listen, a prayer to share, we are model what walking with someone through difficulty looks and feels like.

As with anything in life, balance and prayerful consideration is needed. We cannot do their course work, take their online exams or show up at important meetings. Most importantly, we cannot fix their mistakes or solve their problems. And if we attempted a rescue, often the solution or answer we fashion is limited to our perspective or vantage point. How much better to help the young adult process the situation and allow them to work out a solution?

Lessen stress of life decisions and transitions, patting a back or offering help. Build confidence, commenting on a character attribute. Fill the holes of doubt with words of affirmation and hope. In doing so, young adults learn how to walk through transitions and decisions with someone by their side, and will be better equipped to stand alongside someone else in the future. 

Mentors Matter

We champion finding mentors in fields of interest. All of our school-aged children have gained great insight into areas most intriguing to them, from Olympic competition (we conversed with an Olympic runner from the Wilma Rudolph era) to successful entrepreneurs (no better way to learn about business than from someone who owns one). Each unique experience was recorded in our learning logs, sometimes by written word, other times photographically.

Learning alongside a mentor proves one of the highest retention rates.

Hence, we use this means of learning whenever we have the opportunity.

Participating in the Young Eagles Introduction to Aviation class has been one of our favorite learning experiences. Recommended for children ages ten through eighteen, this eight-week class taught by pilots and aviation professionals offered my children opportunities to learn about aviation from people who know it best.

Each class focused on a topic: weather, air traffic control, flight planning, pre-flight check, and aviation careers. Each week professionals planned an applicable experiential activity. My children toured hangers took a field trip to a working air traffic control tower and learned how to navigate a flight map from a commercial airline pilot. The final class included a graduation flight. Participants in the class were divided into groups of three, each group having the opportunity to fly one leg (after safe take-off by the pilot) of a three-leg flight, flying in and out of three airports. After the flight, participants were given a flight log—which they continue to build for their aviation career—signed by the supervising pilot, a certificate of completion, and a code for ground school should the student want to continue their journey to becoming a pilot. 

Making Learning Relevant for Middle and High School

Though summer annual evaluation season ended a few months ago, I continue to post frequently asked questions to help equip and empower parents.

 Knowledge is power in the high school years 

and adds confidence to the journey.

 

One mom asked:

Recently in our area there seems to be limited diversity in learning environments for middle and high schoolers. Many venues provide only traditional classroom settings or online meetings. This is not the best setting for my child. What other opportunities are available and acceptable?

 This is a tremendous question with valid concerns.

 First, check the home education laws in your state

 Second, having some experience with online learning is beneficial. Online education is growing. And, it did prepare our graduates for post-secondary education.

 Those points being said...

Home educated middle and high schoolers have the opportunity to partake in a variety of learning environments; a definite advantage over their public and private schooled peers.

Our middle and high school students learn widely from a variety of environments. One started a business and learned on the job, everywhere from church fellowship hall craft shows to convention trade show floors. Another learned from independent study, volunteering, and conversation from professionals in the field. Still another learn from contractors, field work, job shadowing, and collaboration with peers. Our home education statute allowed us the freedom to utilize these means. We are all grateful we could fit learning with learning style and student interest.

When designing courses or considering courses for middle or high schoolers the learning environment is essential and often dependent on the learning style and strengths of the individual. For example, if the student learns best by observation, perhaps best fit environments would include laboratory settings, field work, internships, job shadowing, or apprenticeship. In these settings, the student can observe to learn. If the student is an auditory learner the best settings may be research laboratories or classroom instruction.

When the course is complete, if our students were applying for a university requesting course descriptions in addition to a transcript, I made sure to be specific about which environments the student used. Often the environments, being different than a typical classroom or online setting, were intriguing.

Yes, the reward was worth the effort. The contents of the course descriptions, transcripts and cumulative folder were the documents which set a solid foundation for resume writing.

 And in the end, as we--student and parent--looked over documents, the accomplishment was a part of our celebration of high school and the ability to finish with excellence.

 As you consider the potential learning environments your learner may have access to, ponder how those opportunities may benefit your young adult. The results can be astounding.

Magnificent, Make-A-Difference Middle School

Celebrating high school begins in middle school. Given opportunities to develop strengths and interests, the middle school years and their subsequent experiences set the stage for future decisions. Decisions move middle schoolers forward, or set them back.

Middle schoolers need coaches, cheerleaders, people to cheer them on, answer their questions, affirm their successes, and come alongside when ideas fail. Like adults, middle (and high schoolers) gravitate toward sources or encouragement and affirmation.

Our experience is that middle and high schoolers will hang out most with those who encourage and affirm them best. 

Mike and I were (and still are with our current middle and high schoolers) intentional to champion their interests. As a result we were (are) invited into their successes and their messes!

Middle schoolers need help understanding themselves. Mike and I have learned that before we can help our middle and high school young adults understand themselves, we must know them! To know them, we must spend time with them (even when it's hard to be with them). Spending time means observing, listening, and asking. We watch how they respond in both stressful and rewarding circumstances. We observe what activities they enjoy and what makes them smile. Body language and verbal responses are windows into their hearts. What they read expresses their interests. Who our children talk about gives us understanding into the character they emulate or respect. Knowing our children takes diligence and purpose, but is deserving of my time and energy.  

When we come to know our children--what motivates, intrigues, and captivates them--we can begin to help them understand themselves. 

Middle schoolers want to make a difference. Middle schoolers need time and experiences to help them understand who the are and what they can contribute to the family, community, nation, and the world.

They need something to ponder, practice, and pursue; a way to make a difference. 

Making a difference they feel the satisfaction of collaborating and contributing, serving and giving.

Middle schoolers need help managing their time.Several facets of life motivate middle and high schoolers to manage their time: knowing they have skills to solve a problems, having a project to complete or understanding their skills can contribute to a cause. When these aspects are discovered and fostered, managing their time matters.

Time management is a necessity for accomplishment.

Middle schoolers encouragement for organization.Middle schoolers are not usually naturally organized. They usually need parents to help them brainstorm ideas. They need someone to take them shopping for organizers.

Organization is often key to time management. 

Middle schoolers need help finding and using resources. Middle schoolers have ideas and interests they want to pursue. There are things they want to build, books they want to write, businesses they want to start, logos they want to design, and fish they want to catch. Resources, tools, and significant people put those ideas and interests in motion. One of the greatest resources is time--time to process, time to think, time to talk through ideas. In and through conversation and experience, middle schoolers learn to plan, design, analyze, and evaluate, all which work together for understanding.

Without time, these key life skills cannot develop. 

Middle and high school young adults are really not any different than adults. 

Adults thrive when they understand their strengths and have the freedom to grow in those strengths, when they have people to help them process ideas and adults, when they have access o necessary tools and resources to carry out the plan, and when they are surrounded by supportive family and friends. 

Middle schoolers will surprise you! Middle school years have great potential to directly impact a student's entrepreneurial ventures, employment, or college and career path by offering options of promising study. Be ready for your middle schoolers to surprise you! Ours have surprised us many times with their ideas and plans. They had solutions we had not discovered, insight we could not see. Theirs were not only better, but because they "owned" the plans, they were more excited and successful in executing the steps to reach their goals.

This content is excerpted from the new expanded edition of Cheryl's book,  Celebrate High School: Finish with Excellence, A Guide for Middle and High School Home Education.