Children entrusted with little will one day be able to be trusted with much.
What is your child able to be trusted with today, right now?
It's hard, isn't it, to say yes--to trust, to risk.
When I was a young mom, I held on more tightly, regulated and controlled what I could, fearing the worst, yet longing to raise children who would one day to be independent. As my oldest children grew, I realized I was doing them a disservice. They wouldn't become responsible, and one day independent, if I waited until the day before I expected them to launch. I had to change my thinking.
If one day I wanted them to be trusted with much, I needed to begin trusting them with little.
It would be a process.
- A receipt from the grocery store. My two-and-a-half-year-old always wants to carry the receipt, along with the spare change. When I give her the handful--all of it--she feels empowered, trusted. And, she is mindful of what she's doing, like she is guarding a million dollars!
- The keys to the house. When we pull in the driveway, my six-year-old always asks for the keys as soon as I pull them from the ignition. She wants to carry the keys and unlock the front door. In doing so, she feels capable, able to help the family enter the home.
- My cell phone. A few weeks ago, Mike and two middle girls took a road trip to the softball World Series. When I called to check in, one of the girls answered the phone. The proud voice on the other end exclaimed that Dad let her be the secretary, especially when he was driving. She felt important, able to meet a need.
The empowerment to independence was indeed a process. When the day came for each child to sit in the driver's seat of our car for his or her first solo ride, babysit, or travel alone, I knew he or she was ready. Each of the children had had a multitude of opportunities to prove responsibility and trustworthiness.
On our second son's wedding day, I remember reflecting on his readiness to not only be responsible for himself but also to consider the well-being of another person into his days. One day he was entrusted with bringing in his bike from the rain, another day to was instructed with how to use grandfather's fishing pole. A year or so later, he was given command of a canoe of younger scouts. Not too long after, he asked for the keys to our car, and then, a few years later, he waited at the end of an aisle for his bride. Trusting him with a little grew to trusting him with much.
It was a process, one which took time. And, looking back, the years flew faster than I ever imagined they would.